What Do You Behold?

For some time now I've been battling with my thoughts. How I see myself as an individual. The truth of the matter, I've compared myself to others who are the same age as me, or even younger, trying to understand how could they be so much further than I, in life? I mean they love GOD, I love GOD. They pray, I pray. They serve, I serve. But what are they doing that I was NOT? 

Over time, and I mean......over time, I realized that it was so much more than loving GOD, praying, serving, etc. It all begins in the mind. 

This past Christmas, I was in a terrible mental space. There was so much that I had bottled up from the previous year; from the unexpected deaths of my grandparents in 2020, having COVID-19 myself, finding out I was a grandmother at the age of 37 years old; quitting a job in January of 2021, after being there 7 years. Then in September of the same year, I started a great job that I knew was GOD, then lost it, almost in the same breath. Also, I was dismissed from a major opportunity, then in November my son was incarcerated. Then, the unexpected termination of my lease, and some other unexpected things occurred, which put me in a space where I literally felt myself spiraling, emotionally out of control.

During the Christmas break, I pressed my way to Maryland to spend time with my family. Now, I've driven this path on many occasions, but there was something different about the drive going and coming back.  There was a sense of peace, calmness, and love. Once I arrived at my destination, it was late- but I was met by my brother, whose house we were staying at, who embraced me, and told me that he loved me. Something as small as a hug, and "I love you" began to permeate my heart. It was then, on Christmas Day, I was surrounded by my mom, my daughter, my brothers, my sister in love, my nieces and nephew- and the love, words of affirmation that I received that day, was by far one of the BEST gifts I could have received. I was broken that day, but their words, their actions, and the love that was exhibited began to push me into the right direction; the path to internal healing! My family exhibited, UNconditional love!!! My condition, what I had been facing, put me in a negative mental headspace, that crippled me from showing up, as my whole self. But that did not stop my family, from loving on me. 

Many times in life, we feel this pressure to have all the right answers, when those we love are going through,(i.e. Me, for example). Truth be told, I just needed to be seen, in my brokenness and to be loved back to life; and my family did just that, in their own ways! 

What I discovered, is that- even though they saw me, as far as where I was, they understood, this place and space was not the end all be all. So they began to affirm me, for who I AM, and not where I was.  

A lot of times, what we are facing, is a direct reflection of what we are thinking; we manifest those negative thoughts! You become, what you behold! So if that be true of negative thoughts, the same is true about the positive. Our thoughts, our minds are the main source of our being! After a little time of self-reflecting, journaling, finally admitting that I needed help and reaching out to a therapist, and speaking with a friend and my sister whose degree is in psychology, I began to understand, that if I want and desire better in life, I have to change my mindset.  I realized, that I had fixated my thoughts on the negative, and it began to manifest. To change this narrative, I, had to be intentional about the way I move and speak. One, I could no longer give people the power to "make" me happy, my happiness has to become an internal work, that I have to be intentional about. And that beloved, is work- especially when you have been so accustomed to giving your power over to others, to make you happy. The power for things to "be" resides in me!!!! 

You're probably wondering, what do you mean? Well, Proverbs 18:21 states- The power of death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. That's not just a verse in the Bible, that's literally a life principle. We have more power than we give ourselves credit for. If death is consuming you, do an analysis of the things that you're consuming; whether that's what you're allowing your ears to hear, your eyes to see, which in turn will come out of your mouth. Our environments have a lot to do with how we view ourselves. If you don't like it- begin to do the internal work, to begin to see what you desire! Speak it, until you see it!!!! 

The power to change ourselves, begins with our thoughts, and what we dwell on we begin to speak, and what we speak becomes our reality! Think about it! Genesis 1:2 tells us, that the earth was formless, void, dark, and in chaos. But something happened- GOD spoke, but before his words became words out of his mouth, they were thoughts. Verse 3 then tells us that he spoke "let there be light, and there was light." We have that same power! 

Where does your power reside? In your mind!!! As your thoughts become words, and your words become your reality! 

What I have experienced hasn't felt good- but one verse that has become my mantra is Romans 8:28 which states "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." It's working for my good, even though it doesn't feel good, it's for his (GOD'S) purpose. 

Friends, we are more powerful than we give ourselves credit for! Our power resides within! Want to change your life? That change begins within; with a change of thought, speech, and conversation; which will change the course of life! Also, friends realize, you don't have to do the work alone. I highly recommend a therapist to assist you along this journey of internal healing and mind shift. 

You got this friend!!!! Be intentional! 

I hope this blog has been a great read, insightful and encouraging! 

Your Friend,

-E.Marie