Ineffective, Effective

Ineffective, Effective……

I’m sure the title may be a little misleading, but if you stay with me, you’ll understand where I'm coming from.

When I think of relationships, I think of communication being one of the most important aspects of a relationship. Having great communication impacts the relationship on so many levels, and the impact leads to growth.

Nowadays, in any form of a relationship, whether that’s with family, professional, romantic, ministry, etc., I found that effective communication is one of the hardest things for us to do. What we believe to be effective, actually is ineffective communication. I find that before we actually have a conversation with a person, we will resort to throwing shade, talking around the issue, or avoiding it altogether. As you grow and mature, there’s a point in life where you desire to have meaningful conversations, which welcomes understanding and a different perspective. Many of our issues could be resolved if we were willing to learn how to communicate effectively. And this can be really hard for us to do! But why is that?

Many of us come from different backgrounds, cultures, households where we model what we were taught, or even behaviors that we picked up from those we look up to. 

Truth be told, having to go through a season of ineffective communication can truly be a blessing in disguise; it can teach you, how to communicate effectively.

As a person who is introspective, before I point blame, I look within to see what’s going on inward. Doing so, I have learned that alot of times, I look for answers or a response in the now, because the unknown has been hard for me to grasps at times. And, I'm convinced this has a lot to do with trauma. That is actually a whole other conversation or blog, I'll have to tackle that at a later time. But, there are times when I find myself pressing the issue in order to get answers. When I find myself doing such, I find myself asking myself- "Now is that really fair? and "would you like for someone to do you the same way?" And my answer tends to always be no!  Truth be told, as human beings, we need time to process, to be logical in our thinking, and not respond based upon our emotions.

There was a time that I found it hard, to have tough conversations! Reason being, was because I was afraid! I was afraid of the outcome, I was afraid of being told "NO", I would formulate in my mind the worse of conversations to be discussed, or what I believed would be revealed. Now, I never told anyone- but I avoided many tough conversations because I looked at it, as out of sight, out of mind! Which was contrary to the truth. As I began to become more honest with myself, I realized how my response were, which I definitely identified it as a coping mechanism. 

As I have gotten older, there are some things and behaviors to which, I have veered away from. In doing so, it has permitted me to discern how ineffective my communication can be. Having ineffective communication can be so exhausting- because those of us who are thinkers, end up going to the extreme in our thinking, creating a residence in the thought. Doing so, causes us to project those fears. What I have found to be true, is having effective communication, releases the weight and burden. When you are honest with where you are, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially, etc., it releases you from the mask, or the need to pretend. Those who love you will love you beyond the pseudo. 

As we grow and mature, learning from ineffective communication aides you in the process of being an effective communicator. Instead of always finding yourself getting frustrated or dault finding with others or even yourself, learn from it, in order for you to be able to communicate effectively.

Being pliable, adaptable, and teachable goes a long way! Learn to be patient with yourself and others, in order to move from an ineffective  to EFFECTIVE!!!!